


Of misunderstandings and bars

by timelesshour



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bartender Dean Winchester, Lawyer Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Misunderstandings, Other, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Weddings, a lot of interruptions, brief mentions of bdsm, very brief mention of past noncon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-10-24 18:37:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20710673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelesshour/pseuds/timelesshour
Summary: Novak has an aura around him that has Dean stand to attention, he is one of those people that’s imposing and authoritative without doing anything. Effortlessly. It makes something in Deans stomach curl and not in a bad way. Although his gaze does make him shift uncomfortably. Dean likes assertive men the same way he likes being held down, that is to say a lot. But there is something about Novak and his piercing gaze that makes him swallow, his throat closing, his skin feeling like he is being electrocuted with a current that's boarding to uncomfortable; he’d know how that feels too.Or The one where Dean thinks Castiel is getting married.





	1. Chapter 1

Dean is flirting with a pretty redhead, who is all soft smiles and curves, over the counter when he feels a tap on his shoulder making him flinch slightly.

“Excuse me, sweetheart” he sends her an apologetic smile and she just shakes her head laughing softly, giving him a one shoulder shrug. He turns and finds Jo staring at him eyebrows raised, hands on her hips, her hair no longer on a neat ponytail but framing her face and he knows the moment Ellen sees her she is going to have a word with her about it.

“Really? You can’t keep it in your pants for more than five minutes?”

He rolls his eyes at her and moves a few feet down the bar where a guy is signaling for a refill and Dean nods, only taking him a moment to remember his order, before reaching for the gin bottle and the sugar syrup.

“You know how it is. And you flirt too,” he addresses Jo, “What do you want anyways?”

“Tomorrow I won’t be in, so I wanted to ask if it’s ok with you to have Ash help you” she speaks in a rush, which is so unlike her, that it takes a second for Dean to register her words.

“What?” he spits, looking at her incredulously, squeezing the lemon he is holding into the mixer.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be like that Ash is great”

“Ash is great if you want to solve an algebraic equation, not mixing drinks and we agreed you’d help me since Benny is on leave.” Dean gives the guy his drink with a smile and a nod and turns his attention back to her.

“Yes, but I can’t tomorrow, I have a study group-”

“Don’t bullshit me kid”, Jo presses her lips together, her shoulders slumping. “Is that what you told her?” he continues nodding towards the back where Ellen is.

“Ok, fine.” she sighs, a little too dramatic if you asked Dean “I have a date”

“You want to ditch me for a _date”_

“Dean come on-”

“It’s Saturday tomorrow, Jo, you know how it gets.”

“I do, that’s why I’m asking you to say yes to Ash.” Dean closes his eyes and groans, spilling some of the sugar syrup he is holding on his hand. “She will only let me if you say yes. Please, I’ll owe you one” she adds doing the stupid puppy eyes and Dean can’t help but cave.

“Fine.” he exclaims louder than he meant to and Jo grins at him. “But this is the last time until Benny comes back. I mean it Jo”

“Ok, ok whatever you want”

“I want Ash not behind the bar”

“Don't be a baby”

“Don't be baby.” he mocks her. “He caused an explosion last time. I can’t believe Ellen is going to let him be here”

“Well, you know how hard college is,” she says innocently with a shrug and Dean shakes his head at her.

“Go serve a table”

“Aye aye, captain” she says and leaves with a mock salute.

He goes to the left side of the bar, where the sink is and washes his hands from the syrup. He really needs Benny to come back. It’s not that he doesn't like working alone or with the occasional help of Jo, but one, the bar is too big for one person to handle and two, he and Benny have been working together for four years now, they know each other and most importantly they are in tune. And honestly, Dean kind of misses the guy. Yes, he is happy for him and Andrea and their baby girl, their unfairly cute (and so _so_ small, Dean was scared to hold her) baby girl and he understands Benny needs to be with them and take the two weeks off, but Dean is going nuts here. Not during the busy hours, those he can manage, it's the slow nights that are killing him, where he has none to talk to or joke with. Well he has four more days without him, he’ll manage.

He turns around and wipes the spotless counter in front of him, for lack of something else to do and sighs.

“Slow night?”

Deans’ head shots up and grins. “For a Friday. What are you doing here?”

Sam takes a seat on the empty stool, “I came to see you”

“Ok” he says dragging the word and throwing the rug somewhere behind him towards the sink.

“No, really I wanted to see you and I’m here with a friend from work”

“Trying to prove to me that lawyers can have fun? And we saw each other on Tuesday, and though I know you can’t live without me, that is too soon even for you”

“Ok, I’m here because of Castiel. He has been under a lot of stress lately, what with the wedding and all”

“Who’s Castiel?” Dean frowns, saying the name slowly. It sits weirdly on his tongue.

“I’ve told you about him. Castiel Novak,” Sam says emphasizing the name and shooting him a disapproving look.

Right. Dean recognizes the name but only vaguely, and honestly what does Sam expect from him? He always goes on and on about his job and his colleagues, and not that Dean isn’t interested but it’s so much he can retain.

“Isn’t he your boss?”

“Yes one of the three,” says Sam setting his coat and placing in the coat hook under the bar.

“Huh and he is get-”

“I’m sorry Sam-” a gravelly voice interrupts him, behind Sam. The man, who is looking for something in his brown satchel and Dean can’t see his face but a mop of unruly hair and angles, moves next to Sam in the empty stool and finally sits down - “But you know how Gabriel can be”

He finally looks up and stares at Dean, whose breath is suddenly stuck in his throat. God, is he hot and his eyes are so fucking _blue_. He takes a shuddering breath, as he watches him sit down on the stool and disposes the trench coat he has been holding along with the satchel, on the stool next to him, the navy fabric of his suit stretching in his biceps and Dean has to swallow.

Novak has an aura around him that has Dean stand to attention, he is one of those people that’s imposing and authoritative without doing anything. Effortlessly. It makes something in Deans’ stomach curl and not in a bad way. Although his gaze does make him shift uncomfortably. Dean likes _assertive_ men the same way he likes being held down, that is to say a lot. But there is something about Novak and his piercing gaze that makes him swallow, his throat closing, his skin feeling like he is being electrocuted with a current that's boarding to uncomfortable; he’d know how that feels too.

“It’s fine, I get it” Sam replies, and Castiel turns to look at him and it’s both a blessing and a curse for Dean. “This is my brother Dean” Sam adds and motions with his head.

“Hello, Dean” Castiel says, moving gaze back to him and Dean who is still struck, tries not to think too much about how his name sounds in Castiels tongue or what it does to him.

“Hello.” he says back, his voice gruff and he clears his throat a little. “What will you be getting?” asks looking between the two. Because he has a job after all.

“Two beers” Sam says with a small question aimed at Castiel who nods. “Two beers”

Dean rolls his eyes and crosses his hands “Two beers?” he repeats and smiles slightly at Sam in irony, and it’s better to look at just Sam, he has decided or really at anyone other than Castiel.

“Yes?” Sam is looking at him weirdly.

“What kind Sam?”

Sam shoots him a bitchface and says “The golden ale I like”

Dean rolls his eyes again and moves down the bar to get it, he can hear Castiel’s deep rumble and almost shudders. He needs to get a hold of himself. He takes two bottles back to them, who are engrossed in a conversation and pops one open. 

“Duvel,” he says glancing at Sam, who rolls his eyes, they both know he won’t remember it, while pushing the bottle towards Castiel.

“Thank you, Dean” Castiel says and Dean almost drops Sams’ bottle.

“It’s my job” he gives Sam his bottle, and catches someone signaling to him. “Hey gotta go. Have fun”

He moves down the bar, without waiting for a reply and takes the order. He starts preparing the margaritas, humming under his breath. He gives them to the women and lingers behind the bar. Everyone seems to be doing alright, apart from the guy on his three o’clock. Dean needs to remember not to give him anymore tequila.

“Dean.” He turns his head to the other side, where Sam is waving at him. He sighs, moving towards them. He stands in front of them and stares at Castiel who is staring back at him, open and intensely and Dean has to try not to lick his lips.

“So, Castiel was telling me they have a problem with the wedding cake,” Sam starts and Dean blinks. Right, the guy is getting married and if he remembers correctly (from what Sam has told him) to a woman. He needs to get a grip and maybe stop eye fucking him, like he is sure he is doing now. He turns his eyes to Sam, “The baker canceled at the last minute.”

“Ok,” Dean says confused “What this has to do with me?”

“Sam was telling me you know a pastry chef,” is Castiel who speaks and Dean can’t help but return his gaze at him. Cause really it would be rude not to. “who might be willing to help”

“Gilda?” Dean asks suddenly realizing.

“Yes” Sam answers.

“I know it is a sort notice and the wedding _is_ next Saturday, but it would mean a lot-”

“I can ask her. But I can’t guarantee she will say yes.” he says, already knowing that Gilda will say yes, but better not risk it. He gets his phone out and shoots her a text. “Done” he says and smiles.

“Oh, well” Castiel says, blinking owlishly at him. “I wasn't expecting it so fast”

“Well she is working right now so she’ll see it later” and probably respond tomorrow, knowing her, he doesn't add.

“I will tell Sam and- Wait, I think-” he reaches for his wallet and starts going through it, he really needs to get reed of all this useless cards and receipts, but “I think I might have her card”. He doesn't.

“Sorry” and then realizes how stupid he is because “I already have her phone number” he lets a subconscious laugh and glances up and sees Sam giving him a look, that Dean dismisses. He needs to get a grip right the fuck now, because Sam doesn't need to know that his older brother gets flustered around hot guys, not that he is flustered but-

“Here,” he says passing the phone to Castiel, having already pull up Gildas’ number. “I hope she helps” he adds watching Castiel typing in his phone. “Just call her tomorrow and ask. Probably after eleven”

“Alright. Thank you, Dean,” he says flashing him a grateful smile, and really who gave the guy the right to look both cute and sexy at the same time. “And I hate to ask this, but you sure she is good because-”

“Dude, she works at St. Regis”

“Oh” he says and then asks “You sure she will have the time though?”

Dean shrugs. “I don't know. Probably yes. But if she says she can do it, then she can”

Castiel nods. “Thank you again.”

“Anytime”

Dean has been waiting in the car for almost thirty minutes when he gives up and goes up the building to Sams’ office. They are suppose to be having lunch together, because Dean is now Eileen’s replacement, since she left for the conference and Sam has been moping all weekend and will probably continue to mop until tomorrow night, when she will return. Hence the late Monday lunch together. Not that Dean minds, it’s just that due to his work, Sam can’t have a strict schedule all the time, which is why Dean called before he left his apartment to make sure; everything was fine then but apparently something came up.

He shuffles in his feet inside the elevator and waits to reach the floor he wants, smiling politely at the people getting in. Seriously how high does the firm need to be. When he finally gets off, and what a relief that is; he can’t with tight spaces. Especially those filled with people. He walks to the reception and smiles at Becky who gives him a wide smile, while speaking on the phone.

He takes a magazine from the coffee table in front of him for a lack of something else to do and flips through it mindlessly.

“Excuse me” he hears a soft voice say and lifts his eyes after realizing they are referring to him, meeting pale blue ones. “Is there something I can help you with?”

The woman has long striking red hair and is wearing a cream dress that accentuates her figure. Dean smirks up at her.

“I don't know,” he trails off waiting for her to say her name.

She smirks back at him and moves delicately a strand of hair from her face, “Anna. Milton”

_Oh. _Right, the third partner. What is it and Sams’ bosses are so hot? Dean scolds his expression a little, “I am just waiting for my brother, Sam”

Anna frowns slightly, but after a second her expression clears and she smiles, “Winchester? Sam, has mentioned you. You must be Dean” she says sounding somewhat excited. For what Dean doesn't know and he really wants to know what Sam has been saying about him.

“Yep, that’s me”

“Well, if-”

“Anna” a gravelly voice interrupts them. Dean freezes for just a moment, before turning in his seat to look at Castiel, who looks disheveled, tie askew and absolutely delicious if you ask Dean. And he takes it all back, because yes Anna is beautiful, but the sight of Castiel walking towards them, with that adorable frown, is a sight to behold. But again, it might just be Dean. Or the fact that he hasn't had sex in three weeks. And apparently that's a long time.

“Hello, Dean,” he says once he has finally reach them.

“Hi.” he responds, voice wavering slightly and he has to hold himself form cringing visibly. He flashes him smile and Castiels’ frown dissolves a little.

“You know each other?” Anna asks.

“Yes, we met last Friday,” Dean responds getting up from the chair because he started feeling awkward looking up to them.

Anna nods and turns to Castiel who keeps glancing at Dean “What is it?”

“Ugh, nothing. It’s not of import.” he responds shifting in his feet. And if Dean didn't know better he’d say, he is nervous.

“You sure? Because I have time”

“No, really it w-” he starts but is interrupted by Becky, calling Anna.

“I’m sorry but, Harry called said it’s urgent to meet him in his office for the Johnson case”

“Alright then” she says and extends her hand for Dean to shake, who does so with a slight smirk. “It was nice meeting you Dean. Don't be a stranger. Castiel” she adds and walks towards the direction Castiel came.

Dean glances at Castiel finding him already looking at him. He tries to think of something to say, but he comes up empty and it’s about to get so awkward Dean thinks they might suffocate.

“Thank you” Castiel says at last, making Dean furrow his eyebrows in confusion. “For Gilda”

“Oh. Right. The wedding cake.” he is getting married, to someone that probably looks like Anna. “Told you she’d be fine with it”

“She was far more enthusiastic than I expected, considering the sort notice.”

“She likes challenges” Dean says smiling softly thinking of her.

“Are you waiting for Sam?” Castiel asks eyes darting around.

“Yes, we were supposed to meet for lunch but,” he shrugs as a way of explanation. Castiel frowns more at him, head titling to the side.

“He is in court,” he says the dip between his brows deepens, “left about hanf an hour ago, it was urgent”

“Right” Explains the lack of text message. Dean feels a rush of irrational irritation at Sam, even though he knows he can’t control those these things. “Well, then I’ll just”

“I can though” Castiel exclaims and then with a normal tone of voice, looking slightly sheepish, “Have lunch with you that is. If you don't mind”

Dean holds his breath for a moment. “You sure?” he croaks, more than asks. “I don't- I don't want to keep you”

“I don't mind really. Besides I need to run an errand as well so” he trails of expectantly. 

“Ok, then” Dean responds and has to fight a grin.

“I’ll just get my stuff then”

“Ok”  
Neither one of them moves for a few seconds, they just stand there, like idiots staring at each other, with unreadable expressions.

“Ok” Castiel says and takes a step back. “I’ll just- I’ll be right back”

Dean watches him walk down the corridor until he turns right and loses sight of him. He finds himself exhale and closes his eyes momentarily. He then hears a sound and opens them to look at Becky, who has an odd expression in her face. He raises his brows in question and she just shakes her head and says something that is entirely lost on Dean.

“God, I ship you two so much”

They take Deans’ car, that Castiel stares at for about a minute with both an appreciative and apprehensive look. Which is odd and Dean has no idea how he can manage both at once. But he does get inside, leaving his satchel in the space between his feet and looks like he is about to say something but, seems to think better of it and just puts his seatbelt on. Dean lets him choose the place and after some protest, Castiel directs him to a place, that according to him makes the best burgers in Washington, DC. When Dean looks at it, he is kind of reluctant to believe it. It is in a small street, shoved between a dry cleaners and a funeral home, and looks like it has been forgotten since the 1950s’, but takes Castiels’ word for it. That's how they end up in a booth, after having order two bacon cheeseburgers, one with fries and the other with a salad.

Dean raises his eyebrows at him and Castiel huffs. “What? Best burger in Washington, DC and you are ordering it with a side salad?”

Castiel shifts in his seat taking his trench coat off, “Would you believe me if I said I just felt like it”

“No,” Dean grins at him.

“Ok-” and he presses his lips together and looks to the side, like he is afraid that Dean will laugh with what he is about to say. Then looks back at him with a determined face and say “I don't like fries.” And alright that wasn't what Dean expected.

“What?”

“I don't like fries.” He repeats then adds with a grimace, “They are oily and soft or crunchy and they just taste like-”

“Fries?” Dean supplies with a chuckle.

“Yes” he nods and Dean laughs. “I don't understand the humor in that”

“It’s just everybody loves fries”

“Yes, I have gathered” he says sourly but with an amused glint in his eyes.

Their order arrives shortly after and Castiel looks at him expectantly. Nodding towards his plate.

“What? Is it a test?” Castiel just raises his brows expectantly. “Maybe I’ll start with the fries” That earns him a halfhearted glare causing him to grin.

He takes the burger in his hands and takes a bite and has to hold back a moan. He chews slowly and swallows opening his eyes and staring at Castiel who is smugly looking at him.

“Yeah ok they are pretty good, but still Ellens’ are better” They are not, Dean is pretty sure this is the best thing he ever tasted, but he isn’t going to admit it, not after his argument in the car. Castiel shakes his head at him, looking at Dean like he knows he is lying, the asshole, and starts eating.

They eat in silence, each enjoying their food. When all Dean has left is a few fries and Castiel is idly moving the lettuce of his salad, he says “Sam, told me that you are looking to buy the place by Louis’ Kafe. The bar that has been close for five years now”

Dean must have made a face at that because Castiel hastily adds, “He mentioned that due to a case, it wasn't-”

Dean holds up a hand making him stop. “It’s fine, I just wasn't expecting him to talk about me” _about this_ “But yeah, well I am” It comes of more defensively than he would like and he resists folding his arms in front of him, instead he plays with a fry in his plate, leveling Castiel with a look.

“Nothing, I just- I wanted to wish you good luck” Dean snorts at that and Castiel shots him a lost look.

“If that ever works out” he hasn't admitted that to anyone, how insecure he feels about it. Bobby knows he is scared to take the leap, is why he keeps nudging him. He has been able to buy the bar since last October, so for something more than a year now. He just doesn’t seem to be able to make that phone call. He is surprised no one has bought yet. It is in a good location and it doesn't need much restoring. And with his saving and the money Boddy has given him ( the money that took him two years to accept), he is able to do all that. It’s just, he is frozen, he has been spending so much time trying to get here, and now that he is, he kind of wants to turn back.

“I know it’s scary” Castiel is saying, dragging Deans’ attention back to him, “starting a business and making the first big step of your dream. When Gabriel, Anna and I started, it was too scary, but well we pushed through”

“I just-” he sighs. “It feels too real” _when it always seemed impossible_

Castiel offers him an understanding smile, “I know. But if half the things Sam says about you are true, then I’m certain you will succeed Dean”

Dean shifts in his seat under the intensity of the words and the eyes. Part of him wants to scoff and roll his eyes, and another part wants to believe him, and then he almost snorts in laughter, here he is with a stranger who’s trying to reassure Dean that he can run a bar. He glances at him and finds him studying him, his head slightly titled and Dean can’t help but giving him a barely there smile and despite himself says.

“Do you ever look at your life and think “how did I manage to make it to thirty two”?”, at Castiels’ frown he continues, “I kind of always thought I’d either end up as a mechanic or in ditch”

Castiel frowns deeper and Dean wonders if it’s a permanent expression of his, instead he says, “That's for another time”

They are silent for a moment.

“I don't think that's true” Something darkens in Dean and he knows it shows, but Castiel pushes. “You put Sam through Stanford and you are making something of yourself, that doesn't happen by chance Dean”

He swallows thickly and is saved by the waiter bringing their bill. Castiel pays, because Dean is the one driving them and willing to take him to pick up the wedding suit, hence covering the gas expenses, his words.

They drive in silence, Pink Floyd playing in the background quietly, the only thing interrupting is Castiel telling him where to take a turn. He parks outside the shop and Castiel asks him if he minds coming with him, since he has to wear the suit one final time and Dean, despite knowing that it’s not a good idea, says yes. It’s how he finds himself sitting in a plush chair, while a someone is choosing a suit for another wedding on his right and a sales assistant, _Mirabel, _has asked him twice if he’d like a glass of water, in a tone like he has personally offend her. He moves his feet; his shoes squeaking in the overly shiny floor and he closes his eyes for a moment. There is a perfume in the air that is bothering him and he has to stop himself from scrunching his nose for the tenth time, in the last five minutes.

He tilts his head up and watches himself in the ceiling mirror. He hears some rustling and Castiels’ voice who is speaking with Benjamin, the tailor, but he doesn't pay them any mind. He isn’t sure if he wants to look at him in his wedding suit. This alone startles him, how Castiel makes him feel, or that Dean feels like he has the right to feel this way, which is ridiculous because they only just met and –

“Dean” he hears him say and can he please stop saying his name like that or at all.

He turns his head and looks at him, first at his face who has some worry lines, and then takes him all in. His suit is a dark grey, with a waistcoat of the same colour, that makes Deans mouth water (and since when does he have a thing with waistcoats?) and a burgundy tie, making his eyes stand out so much that Dean has to swallow. He is beautiful and classy, even with his messy hair, and Dean is pretty sure he is developing a gigantic crush on him. If not for the way he looks, but for his tentative smile.

“I’d marry you” his stupid brain says before he can stop himself and he goes to correct himself, but Castiel laughs.

“Glad you think so”

“Since everything is good, and you don't need any adjustments, I’ll just pack it for you and you can take it” Benjamin says, and Castiel nods at them and walks back in the dressing room and Dean exhales in relief, shifting in his seat.

He drives them back to the law firm, Castiel clutching the box in his hands along with the trench coat, his satchel in his shoulder about to fall off, and he looks at Dean intensely, with a heat behind his eyes, that could be Deans’ imagination and he says something along the lines of see you around or something equally nonsensical.

He drives to his apartment to get ready for his shift, his phone burning a hole in his jeans, because somehow, despite his best efforts, they ended up exchanging phone numbers.

Dean has done a lot of things, some bad, some good, some of which he regrets, some of which he doesn't, this though is not something he will ever do. He hates cheaters, he hates people who lead other people on, not that this is what is going on here, because he is pretty sure this is totally one-sided. He is just having coffee with Castiel, this cloudy Thursday morning two day before he gets married, because he can’t take it anymore with the wedding preparations and Kali is driving him insane (now he has name), and Gabriel is way more demanding than he ever thought and then muttered something about older brothers that Dean couldn't catch through the phone.

This is how he finds himself nursing an americano, while Cas, and he has become _Cas_ now, though he hasn't called him that out loud, because it feels like crossing a line, is sipping his pumpkin latte.

There is a lull in conversation and Dean finds himself blurting, “I called the estate agency on Monday, we met yesterday, saw the place for the like the millionth time, I think Balthazar wants to kill me, put a deposit and he emailed me the contract yesterday and I read it four times since, but yeah” he finishes lamely gripping his cup a little too tightly.

Castiel looks at him impressed, and maybe a little proudly, “That's great Dean.”

And to his utter horror he can feel himself blush at the words. “Yeah, well it’s nothing”, he shrugs.

Castiel shoots him a look and Dean shifts in his seat bashfully, “Well, Sam can look it for you, though knowing Balthazar,” Dean raises his brows at that, “everything should be fine. He is a friend.” he adds and it’s his turn to shrug, taking a sip from his latte.

“Right” Dean says stiffly.

“Dean?”

“I don't know if I want to tell Sam yet, so I won’t give him the-”

“Do you want me check it for you?” he interrupts, and Dean widens his eyes at the offer, considers it for a moment and asks.

“Not to be rude or pretend I know anything about law, but aren’t you like specializing in environmental law or something”

The other man huffs a laugh at that, and looks at him fondly and Dean doesn't know what to do with that, thankfully Cas starts talking, saving him from saying something ridiculous.

“That's Anna, I’m on criminal law mainly”

“Oh” Dean says eloquently, then after a moment, “You sure though? I don't want to waste your time and I can ask Sam, maybe I should-”

“Dean really I don't mind.” Castiel assures him and gives him a wavering smile, because if he lets himself, he will grin like a madman.

“Ok, I’ll ugh, I’ll email it to you” Dean says and Castiel nods opening his satchel and writing his email in a piece of paper.

“So, I know you said you are stressed and want to get away, but how are the wedding preparations going?” he asks, because he needs to keep at the front of his mind that the guy is getting married.

Castiel groans, but his eyes shine happily and there is softens in his feature that make him even more attractive, even if his next words contrast it. “It can’t come fast enough, and at the same time the closer it gets it’s filled with more stress”

“Yeah, but you are excited right?”

Castiel replies with a smile that makes his face glow, “Yes, I mean, I am so happy and I think Kali and-”

He is interrupted by his phone ringing (which Dean is kind of glad about it he doesn't think he wants to know the end of that sentence), and he reaches for it, his face turning hard and his lips turning downwards reading the screen. 

“I am sorry” he says before picking it up, then “Hello,” his tone clipped, he turns and faces the window on their left, his free hand playing with a napkin idly.

“No”

“I- You know what it means to him. To both of us”

“No”

“No, I am not saying that”

“You can do whatever you want.”

Then more bitterly, “You always have.”

Dean takes a sip from his coffee and looks down at his hands.

A sigh. And then softer “I just don't want you to ruin it for him”

“Ok”

“Goodbye, dad”

Dean raises his head faster than he intended at that and finds himself staring at gloomy blue. Cas opens his mouth to talk, but Dean just shakes his head.

“You don't have to; I know a thing or two about dads”

Cas nods and drinks from his glass and scrunches his nose, reminding Dean oddly of a cat, “It’s cold”

Dean chuckles and Cas fake frowns at him, before shooting him a small, a bit pained smile.

Cas emails him on Friday afternoon about the contract, saying it is alright and he should proceed with everything, at which Dean shoots him a text saying he should be resting the night before the big day, earning a rolling eyed emoji and tries to ignore the tightness in his chest.

All these wouldn't be a problem, he muses, if Cas was an asshole or at least uninteresting, but unfortunately for him he is neither of these things, ok maybe he is a bit of an asshole, as he has come to find, but in an endearing and absolutely likable way. Guy makes texting seem amazing and Dean hates it or at the very least dislikes and avoids it, and perhaps it’s Deans’ crush talking, but Cas is the most fascinating person he has met in a while. Not to mention that he just throws random facts all the time, and not even in a condescending way, which leave Dean momentarily awed, smiling like an idiot on his phone screen. And yeah, Dean is screwed.

He had thought about not texting him on Wednesday, after spending most of Tuesday talking with him, earning him too many stern looks from Ellen and smug/amused ones from Jo. However, he came to realized two things, it was impossible for him to ignore Cas and Cas is, despite his somewhat blunt ways, a very nice person to talk to.

So, after spending the entire week talking to Cas, moping, and spilling his guts to Benny on Thursday night (after shift, cause Jo), since when he came back he found Dean, eyeing his phone with a sad expression and unable to make a dissent drink, Dean finds himself Saturday night, in an overly busy bar opening beer bottles and trying not to think about what has happened in St Peters’ church two and a half hours ago. He doesn't succeed in his utter annoyance.

Benny bumps his shoulder with his own, as Dean is wiping a glass and he shoots him a glare. “Cheer up, cher”

“Yeah, ok”

“Come on, Dean, I know you are heartbroken-” Dean makes a face that Benny pointedly ignores “- but you can’t keep moping around. Especially about someone you just met.”

He sighs, placing the glass down with the rest of them, he knows Benny is right and yet- “I know, ok. It’s just-” _I really, really like him, more than I have anyone in a while_

Benny just squeezes his shoulder in a _I’m here for you_ way, and asks, “What about the other thing?”

“I’m meeting Balthazar on Monday morning to finalize everything, so everything will be taken care of by Friday, Saturday the latest” he still hasn't told Sam or Ellen or anyone really other than Benny and Cas. If everything goes well, he is planning on telling them all next Sunday.

“You know, out of everyone I think she will be the hardest person to tell” he says and nods his head towards Ellen, who is serving a table. “She knows that it’s what I wanted to do for almost eight years, still I have been working here since I was nineteen”

Serving tables like Jo, on the weekends or some nights after finishing his shift at Bobbys’, and then when he was twenty-two, he decided he wanted to work behind the bar full time and two years later realized he wanted to own his own place. It all feels so distant and fresh, and he has a hard time wrapping his head around everything.

Benny sighs next to him, and then in a serious tone says “Don't get sappy on me. I can deal with you moping for hot guy, but not that look on your face”

“What look?” Dean says defensively, blinking.

“The misty eyes”

“Shut up”

He lied. He can avoid Cas or at least he can not engage too much, something that Cas notices making him ask how he is. Dean replies that he is just stressed about the bar and then Cas is reassuring him that everything will go great and to have more faith in himself. Dean scoffs and half hates himself, half wants to say _I hate that you got married_ or _I like you as in more than a friend and I think I’m falling for you_, which are both unacceptable.

It’s how he finds himself in bed with a guy named Matt on Monday. The sex is good, but after Dean feels hollow, like he did after some scenes in his early twenties, although then it was due to poor chooses, his self-destructiveness and a few other reasons. Yet, the hate for himself when he wakes up next morning is all too familiar, and he feels guilty like he cheated.

Sam finds out about the bar on Tuesday, and Dean has him promise not to tell a soul and he of course tells Eileen, who Skypes Dean the same night all excited. She picks up on his overall mood and tries to coax him into telling her, but Dean just signs _it’s just a guy, it’ll pass, _at which she looks at him all sad, making Sam ask what’s wrong, but thankfully she seems to understand that Dean doesn't want to talk about it, especially with Sam and so they move on.

Cas asks if he would like to go see a movie with him on Wednesday and because Dean is a masochist (he snorts at that, making Benny look at him funny) he actually considers it. He tells him he can’t cause he is working late and can’t get out of it and spends the entire night grumpy, with Benny and now Jo sending concerned looks.

On Thursday, he asks him to lunch and Dean gives him a half assed excuse. He is angry, at the world, at himself, at Cas who can’t seem to want to spend his free time with his wife. _Kali_.

On Friday, Sam is making him go to lunch with him and he promises that this time nothing unexpected is going to happen. Dean knows that Sam just wants to know how everything went with Balthazar this morning and he really can’t blame him.

He is sitting inside Baby, humming along to Too Tough To Die. He is in a good mood; in fact, he is fucking thrilled. The papers making him the official owner of the bar sitting in the back seat of Baby and he can’t help but glancing at them every now and then; it's hard to believe, his heart is thumbing in his chest and he almost laughs out loud again today for the same reason.

His phone rings and after checking the caller ID, Sams’ voice fills his ear.

“Hey, so nothing major but, ugh, I have to go over something and it will take a while”

“It’s fine. I can wait”

“Like twenty to thirty minutes,” Sam says apologetically “You can come wait here, you don't have to sit in the cold in Baby”

Yeah like he is ever stepping foot in there. “I’m fine”

“Dean” and he knows that tone and what will follow “you haven’t fixed the heater”

“It’s not that cold” he lies petulantly. It is the end of November and Dean is dying. He can’t handle the cold well. Thank god though for Eileen and her nice gifts, the black coat from last year is great, even if he was a little reluctant to wear it.

There is silence at the other end of the line and Dean presses his lips together and rolls his eyes. “Ok. Alright,” he exclaims “I’ll come up”

He walks slowly to the building, despite the cold. He gets is the elevator, reaches the floor, smiles at Anna who is getting in as he gets out, and she returns it, wishing him a good day.

He sits in the reception again waiting for Sam, where Becky is talking with a woman, and again smiles when she sees him and greets him.

He is browsing on his phone, when he hears-

“Dean” is said in surprise and who can blame him, Dean _has_ been avoiding him.

Dean closes his phone and reluctantly looks up at him. He hasn't changed much, he thinks, which is a little stupid, considering it has barely been a week. The only thing different about him is the change from a trench coat to a black coat; he can’t blame him, the temperature dropped dramatically in the last three days. He gets up from his chair, his eyes drift to his left hand and nothing. There is nothing. Perhaps Dean reasons, Cas is one of those people that can’t stand wearing rings, like Jo.

He looks back up at his face and finds a guarded expression there that confuses him, “Hey, Cas.”

He sees him frown and belatedly realizes the use of the name, but before he can say anything Cas asks “How are you?”

“Good. I ugh, I bought the bar”

At that Cas smiles and it reaches his eyes, “Great. I’m happy for you”

“Yeah well” he doesn't know what to say and he hates it. It wasn't supposed to be like that between them, so he utters “What about the honeymoon?”

“Honeymoon?” Cas repeats confused, then “Oh, it’ll happen on Christmas, going to Paris and Brussels”

_Right. _

Then Cas moves to stand closer to him, impossibly close and Dean has a hard time breathing, something is trying to tear its way out of his chest. Cas opens his mouth, then closes it and after a moment he says

“I- I wanted” he stops “You have been”

“Yes” Dean says softly gravitating towards him.

Cas makes a sound and then, then they are kissing. Cas cold hands coming to cup Deans’ face but he shudders for a completely different reason. Cas kisses him with certainty, his lips slightly chapped and it feels so good, so grounding and causes goosebumps to raise in Deans’ body and he wants more. Until Cas moans softly and then he remembers what he is doing, what they are doing and pulls back.

“No” he says and his voice sounds strange in his ears.

“Dean” Cas looks so lost and hurt and distressed and Dean can’t look at him right now.

“No” he repeats louder and walks past him in the elevator that is opening on this floor and he gets in.

He doesn't look at anyone, just breaths heavily until he reaches the ground floor and then hurries to Baby. He seats inside, his blood rushing to his ears and all he can hear is his heart thumbing.

Sam doesn't ask about it. They just talk about the bar, although it’s obvious Dean doesn't want to talk about anything; his mood going from dejected to angry to dejected again. Because it hurts, he liked it, wanted more and it hurts. It hurts hating Cas for doing this too. Even more so since Dean can’t hate him.

On Saturday, he takes the day off. Tells Ellen he doesn't feel very well and she gives it to him far too easily; he must sound worse than he thought.

He spends the whole day in bed either reading or browsing Netflix and Amazon Prime. He finally got around finishing Good Omens; he still likes the book better, he texts Eileen as much and she agrees. Then asks him if he wants her to bring him anything, but he refuses. He doesn't want to see anyone.

In late afternoon he orders a pizza and nibbles at it watching a show that he has no idea what is about, until someone rings his bell. He ignores it. Until they ring for the third time and he sighs, getting up from under the covers, and grabs a shirt and a pair of sweatpants and buzzes whoever it is up. Probably Sam. After a minute there is a knock on his door and he opens it with a scowl, ready to tell Sam off, but whatever he is about to say dies in his throat when he sees Cas stand there. Black coat, grey scarf, brown satchel and all.

They stare at each other for seconds, until Cas shoulders his way in and Dean closes the door behind him while trying to make his brain work again.

“Hi” he stammers and Cas scowls at him.

“I wasn't going to come” he says in lieu of greeting and eyes Dean, making him feel small for some reason, which ought to make him irate cause how dare he? “But Sam” _it’s always Sam _“found me yesterday after your lunch and apparently wanted to talk about how miserable you were, despite the circumstances.”

He takes a breath seemingly to calm himself and continues “So imagine his surprise when I too was” he pauses seems to taste the word in his mouth before saying “_miserable._”

“Well,” Dean starts defensively.

“What I don't understand is why were _you_ miserable” he interrupts him, his tone almost bitter.

“What?”

“I mean, I know you turned me down twice, but you said-” his eyes are gleaming now, and he looks so frustrated “- you said that you were stressed with the bar. I understood. But then yesterday” he pauses taking another breath and adds almost accusingly “You kissed me back, and gave no indication that you didn't want me to kiss you”

Dean splutters, “Don't turn this on me.”

“You fled.” Cas accuses and unbuttons his coat, taking his scarf off.

“No. No you don't get to do this” he says and jams a finger at him, taking a step towards him “You- What about Kali?”

It takes a moment for Cas to understand the question and he looks at Dean at loss, repeating, “What about Kali?”

“God, Cas” Dean exclaims, “Are you- Are you really ugh?”

“Dean, I don't understand what Kali has to do with anything”

“Is it an open marriage?” he asks, then as Cas continues to frown at him seemingly more lost, he adds “Because you should have said something, because I-”

“Dean, I have no idea what you are talking about,” Cas says slowly, like Dean can’t grasp spoken language.

Dean presses his lips together and exhales. “Listen, I don't know what your deal is, and I thought you were better than this but-”

“Dean” Cas repeats his name pleadingly and Dean kind of wants to shove him out of the apartment, kind of wants to-

“You married her, Kali, and now-”

“What?” asks Cas incredulously.

“Don't interrupt me”

“No, what?”

“Cas I am trying to-”

“No” Dean huffs, but he ignores him, “say that again.”

Dean rolls his eyes and says simply, hating himself for the sting it causes him, “You married Kali.”

“Dean, listen to me” Cas starts, taking a step towards Dean and now they are close, almost like yesterday, they just need one more step, and Dean stutters an exhale, “I didn't married Kali or anyone for that matter. Gabriel married her”

And ok but- _what?_

“No,” because that makes no sense at all.

“Dean” Cas says his name again, this time with a breathy laugh, and can the asshole shut up for a minute. “I don't know why you thought that-”

“Sam said you were.” Dean says over him, “Sam _said_ you were getting married that Friday you came to the bar.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m-” he starts and then stops, trying to remember Sams’ words, but comes up empty. “I don't know, but I thought you were and in my defense half of our conversations were about yours or Gabriels’ marriage, and I don't- it seemed that way”

They both fall silent. Cas takes a step forward and Dean really wants to shove him out of the apartment or towards his bed he doesn't know. It’s almost too much and then Cas chuckles softly making Dean scrunch his nose. He wants to tell him he is an asshole he decides; instead-

“You are not married?” Dean asks in a small voice, that he hates himself for.

“No,” responds Cas simply, half amused, half relieved, placing a hand in his arm “Dean.”

“Don't touch me” he says with not too much heat but doesn't move his arm.

“Dean”

He looks up at Cas and moves forward resting his forehead in his shoulder and laughs. When he can talk again, he says “Cas?”

“Yes”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s alright”

Dean raises his head and has a moment to look into Cas eyes, before the other kisses him. It takes them a moment to find the right angle and this time he pushes forward until Cas has to take a step back. He cups his face with one hand, running his thumb across his cheekbone and it’s such a soft gesture compared to the way they are kissing, that Dean stutters a breath into it. But Cas doesn't seem to mind, he just lets Dean guide him backwards until he hits the back of the couch and they break apart for a moment.

Dean looks at him, his -really soft- hair are sticking everywhere more so than usual, his coat is almost off from his left shoulder, and his eyes are glazed over, looking at Dean so heatedly and adoringly at the same time. Dean who is wearing a shirt that has seen better days and loose sweatpants from when he was like twenty five. He kind of wants to ask him how he is real. Instead he surges forward, they almost stumble and kisses him with all his might.

Cas moans into it and Dean shudders. He is finally able to remove the stupid, still cold from outside, coat and Cas is left with just his white shirt underneath. Suddenly, something comes over Dean, something he can’t name, but he has this need to touch. He starts, at his shoulders going down at his arms, that are around him and when he reaches Cas hands, he squeezes. Then runs his hands back up, and over his back and then down his chest-

“Dean” Cas breaths into his mouth, “It’s ok. Slowdown”

Dean moves his head to the side, embarrassed, “Sorry”

“It’s alright, sweetheart” something gets stuck in his throat at the endearment, Cas kisses his temple, then his cheek, then down at his neck. “We have time,” he says there and sucks. Dean arches into him.

“Cas”

The other man just hums and moves one hand underneath Deans’ shirt, at the small of his back, and Dean shudders mostly due to the touch and not the cold of his hand. Then comes up and kisses him on the mouth, before pulling back.

“Am I interrupting something you were doing?” he asks out of the blue, far more casually for someone who spent the last five minutes making out with Dean like he wanted to devour him.

Dean understand that this is Cas giving him an out, Cas trying to say _we don't have to do anything you don't want to_. Dean appreciates the sentiment he really does but-

“Well, I was kissing you” he says and smirks softly at him, running a hand up his arm, “and I did want to ride you,” then, “but if you are in a hurry and since you _weren’t going to come_”

He absolutely earns the small slap in his ass.

He looks up at Cas, who is watching him with so much happiness in his eyes and Dean thinks _I did that, I do that_.

“Cas,” he says almost pleadingly, but still grinning.

“We don't have to. Really.”

“You saying you don't want to?”

“_Dean_”

Dean kisses him again, and moves backwards towards his bedroom, with Cas attached to him and Dean is surprised with how they haven’t fall yet. They do stop before the bed though, because Dean needs to put the laptop in his nightstand and the pizza box on the floor.

Cas raises his eyebrows and Dean shrugs. “I get hungry easily” and Cas pushes him down the bed and Dean bonces slightly and removes his sweatpants, while Cas removes his shoes and socks and then Dean reaches a hand and pulls him towards him.

He balances two hands either side of Dean and a knee between his legs, and looks down at him grinning, before kissing him again. They get his shirt off as well, and Cas kisses down his chest, over the line of his boxers, completing ignoring his erect cock, before moving at the inside of his thighs, making Dean moan and arche and _Jesus_ why is Cas still dressed.

“Because I’d like to watch you come apart first” a low, impossibly low voice says and _Christ there_

“Come on” Dean is finally able to form and when the other makes no indication of stopping “Cas-” he takes a sharp breath as a hand touches his cock through his boxers.

“Ngh” he grabs at Cas shoulders and tries to bring him up at him, then Cas manages to remove his boxers and the cool air feels good on his skin.

He takes a shuddering breath trying to clear the fog in his brain and says “Naked.”

Cas just comes up and kisses him. “Naked,” he repeats, gripping at his pants and tagging “Now.”

Cas, the asshole, chuckles, removing his belt and then his pants, painfully slow if you ask Dean, who huffs and seats up a bit and after tagging his pants and underwear down somewhat, he starts unbuttoning his shirt, causing Cas to let out a real laugh.

“Shut up,” he grumbles, “and get naked”

He finally removes the shirt, while Cas removes his pants – and he has to remove each piece separately, Dean rolls his eyes- he also has to remove his undershirt and how many clothes is the guy wearing?

When he is just in his boxers, he tries to kiss Dean and but the younger man moves and tags at his boxer.

“Come on Cas off” he insists, then “We’ll explore the whole I-want-to-be-dressed-during-sex kink later”

And really Dean is just lying there in all his glory, cock licking in his stomach and Cas is just up there admiring him. Not that Dean doesn't like it but he needs-

He moves on the bed, towards his nightstand and opens the drawer fishing the lube and a condom out and turns towards Cas who is naked and was totally staring at his ass a second ago and-

Dean freezes there on his knees holding the lube and condom, staring at Cas transfixed, because holy hell. He is so so _magnificent_ and Dean thinks his heart will burst or his chest or-

He has never looked at someone like that during sex. Yes, he always thought that everyo- _most_ of the people he slept with were hot or beautiful even, but there is something about Cas that is _unearthly, _and- _Jesus_ Dean needs to get fucked.

He watches as Cas shifts from where he is on the other side of the bed, almost uncertainly, insecure and Dean barely holds back a laugh. He shifts towards the center, closer to him, leaving the lube and condom on his side and reaches for him.

He stops just a breath away and says before kissing him, “The first time I saw you all I could think about was you fucking me in the bar” Cas breath hitches, and yes Dean just admitted of his slight exhibitionism, for the first time aloud too, but he finds that he doesn't care. Especially since Cas grabs him and maneuvers him how he wants him on his back before settling between Deans legs and just hovering; looking at Dean in wonder and disbelief. And Dean looks back at him openly and probably mirroring his expression.

After a moment Cas takes the lube and before opening it asks, “You sure?”

Dean goes a little mushy inside. No one has asked for his consent so much, and if it weren’t for some things in his past he probably wouldn't get so-

“Ask me again and I’ll kill you” he growls instead cause he isn’t about to get all misty eyed here, even if he blinks a couple of times.

“I love consent” Cas says seriously, covering a finger with lube.

_Me too_, Dean doesn't say, but smiles stupidly at him and he is pretty sure he is falling in love with the idiot.

The first finger always feels odd to Dean, wet and slippery and it takes a few minutes to get used to it. Cas watches him closely, kissing him and running his hand over his side and then his nipples and smirks when he finds how sensitive Dean is and uses it to his advantage.

By the time Cas has a third a third finger in, Dean is a mess, his right nipple is still between Cas’ thumb and index finger because it is more sensitive than the left one and Cas apparently loves watching Dean pant and moan and generally be a mess.

He removes his fingers and reaches for a tissue in the nightstand to wipe them and Dean kinda wants to hit (just his arm, lightly) him, kinda wants to kiss him stupid.

Then Cas turns to him with the softest smile and Dean heart stops. He kisses him long and like his smile and then rolls on the condom and finally _finally_ gets inside Dean.

He moans and takes a breath, resting his forehead against Deans’, whose breath is stuck in his throat and after a moment starts to move; slow, then faster, until they are both moaning and panting and they are trying to touch every inch of each other and Dean is somewhere between taking breaths and babbling nonsense.

A hand touches his cock and his vision darkens as he is worked over the edge, Cas soon following with a grunt and a broken _Dean_.

They stay like that until their breathing is even, trading kisses lazy kisses and small smiles and Dean feels almost like a kid; a laugh, that he doesn't externalize, bubbling in his chest. Cas pulls out, just before it gets disgusting and they wordlessly move to the bathroom.

“You have freckles everywhere. Even on your butt,” Cas says conversationally after they showered, had the remaining pizza and are lying in bed watching “a single man”.

“Shut up, Cas” Dean says cheeks heating, refusing to look at him.

“Do you want me to go? Find Kali?” he asks teasingly, as Colin Firth dances with Julianne Moore.

“You are not funny” he grumbles half heartily, fighting a smile and settling deeper into the bed and Cas’ side.

Then when he is almost asleep,

“Dean?”

“hm”

Silence

“Thank you”

“Stop trying to make me cry you asshole, I want to sleep”

He does reach for his hand though and threads their fingers together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that I wouldn't add to this, but then this happened so  
I hope you enjoy
> 
> Warnings: talk of noncon/ talk of edgeplay (for those who don't know, it is the term for sexual behaviours more dangerous than other BDSM practices, bloodplay – mentioned here – is one of those)/ knife play/ bad BDSM practices

_Two years and something later._

Dean shuffles out of the bedroom and drags his feet downstairs and into the kitchen reaching blindly for the coffee maker. He pops in a capsule, places his mug under the spout and presses the start button, because despite the fancy coffee maker – that was Cas’ and now is theirs – they only ever make one type of coffee. He then reaches for the radio and turns it on, a habit acquired from Cas, and the voices of the political talk show fill the silence. It’s just a background noise for Dean, Cas is the one that listens to it in the morning before he leaves for work, though he only registers their words half way through his second mug. But even now that Dean is alone, he turns it on, he ponders it’s due to habit and not because he misses Cas.

He makes a sandwich, just ham and cheese and eats it along with the coffee and when he is done, he brews another one, but uses a thermos instead of a mug. He makes his way back to the bedroom and changes into a pair of jeans, an undershirt and a long-sleeved shirt and grabs a pair of socks form the drawer on his way out.

He goes back to the kitchen and adds sugar and milk to the thermos and soon enough he hears Oli come into the kitchen. He looks up as he stands next to him waiting and Dean smiles at him softly.

“Hey, buddy.” The golden just rests the side of his head next to Deans’ thigh and Dean pets him. “We are going, don't worry”

He sits on the bar stool and puts on his socks, then takes his phone and the thermos and moves towards the door, where he sits at their bench and puts on his shoes. He puts on his coat and pockets his keys and turns towards him. Dean watches as Oliver stares back at him and then moves towards him and Dean gets ready to put on his gloves, but instead Oli nudges Cas trainers forward with his head. _Right_.

Dean clears his throat and then sighs. It’s been like this for the last two days. He sits back down on the bench, leaving the gloves to fall on the floor. Oliver comes between his knees and Dean pets him again.

“I know you two go jogging together in the mornings, but this will never happen with me,” he says gruffly and because his voice is too melancholic and he was meaning to cheer him up he adds, “Just take the days off, dude.”

Oli makes a sound and Dean presses his lips together. Yeah ok he misses him too but this is ridiculous.

“It’s not like he left forever. It’s just for five days,” he tells him, although he isn’t sure it is entirely directed to Oli, “He is coming back on Wednesday.”

He sighs, again and picks up the gloves, then he gets up, takes one of the tennis balls and the poop bags, pockets them as well, puts on him gloves and they leave the townhouse.

Cas’ – and now theirs for the last eight months – townhouse is close to the National Mall, but not as close to their jobs as was Deans’ apartment. However, it is nicer, bigger and again closer to the park that they both (or three) liked to spent time in.

They reach it in under five minutes, and Dean takes a sip of coffee, trying to warm himself. They walk further into the park, passing other people with their dogs, some of which seem interested at Oli and one particular Chihuahua, who seems to think of Oli as a threat and barks at him. Dean finds it amusing -even if a bit annoying-, as he did the other three mornings because Oli just walks past, only turning his head towards it and the owner, before continuing. Both of them are a bit sulky, more than the first day – though Oli was the only one sulking the first day, Dean was fine - until Dean thinks enough is enough and gets Olivers’ attention with the ball and throws it across the open space, towards a direction where there aren’t people, not that there are a lot of people in the park at seven o’clock in mid-December.

Dean watches as the dog runs towards it and shuts his eyes groaning, because he forgot the tugging rope. Again.

He hates mornings, hates them even more with how quiet they are without Cas’. Not that they make noise, usually Cas is up first, makes coffee, then Dean gets up as he finishes the first cup, makes something to eat and something for Cas to eat when he comes back from his run. They drink their coffees together in silence, save of the radio or Oli eating his breakfast, and then Cas’ kisses him before changing for his run and leaves with Oli. They come back about forty minutes later, Cas eat, showers – not always in that order – and gets ready to leave for work. Dean leaves at ten or twelve at noon, depending if he is the one opening or Benny. They see each other at night now that Dean comes home around eight, though not all nights.

The first year and a half was difficult, they hardly saw each other with their working hours, but now Dean only stays at the bar until closing time, only a couple of nights a week. He didn't like it at first partly because he was worried, although he did trust Pamela and Benny to close up and that they could run things when he wasn't there, and partly because, well, he actually likes his job. But Cas, _they_, came first. And he kind of had to change his schedule a bit for Oli.

He got him a little more than a year ago, well actually Eileen practically dumped him on Dean. Some asshole had left a box with eight of them behind Sam and Eileen’s’ building; Sam found them one day by chance. Oli and two girls where the only alive ones. They took them to the vet, who checked them, told them they weren’t more than three weeks old and gave them the appropriate care instructions. But they couldn't keep them, they already had a dog and despite being dog lovers, didn't really want any more, so they put an add. Unfortunately, one of the girls didn't make it past the third night, the other one was given within the second week, but Oli was still there after three weeks. He was a little shy and skittish, no one could blame him, but seemed to like Dean, who in return wasn't very fond of him. It wasn't anything personal, Dean just wasn't fond of dogs, he still isn’t by the way, Oli is an exception, as he told everyone countless of times.

Cas’ was the one to suggest Dean adopt him, but Dean turned down the idea and told him if he liked him so much, to adopt him himself. Despite that being the case, that Cas’ liked him, Oli was intimidated by him every time he saw him, hiding behind Deans’ legs, to everyone’s amusement. So, at the sixth week of his brother and sister in law - they got married the past March - housing him, Eileen came to Deans’ apartment one Saturday afternoon with Oli in a crate and told him,

“Just take him already” and ok, perhaps he had grew on Dean after visiting him almost every day for the past two-ish weeks.

Oli – who was named by Castiel, because of Oliver Twist, at which Dean argued, but couldn't find a better name, so Oliver became Oli – warmed up to Cas. In fact, after they moved with him and Cas trained him to jog together, which was great, because not any more morning walks for Dean or only for the mornings Cas doesn't run, Dean is certain that Oli likes Cas more than him now. Which amuses Cas infinitely. The asshole.

The asshole that is in the stupid conference all the way to Seattle, giving a fucking talk tonight. In the beginning Dean was excited, and a proud mother according to Sam but what does he know, and don't get him wrong he still is and he still is proud and all, he just misses him. More than usual. They have been apart before and ok it might have been two summers ago but still. It must be because Christmas is around the corner and all the stupid commercials are going on about spending the holidays with loved ones.

He shudders at the cold wind, and sighs, he finished his coffee some time ago so there is nothing to keep him warm. He calls Oli over who is playing with a Bernese mountain dog – and ok maybe Dean likes dogs now or at least is interested in them – and smiles at the dog’s owner politely as they leave. Thankfully she didn't try to make small talk with him, because Dean is not in a mood.

They get inside the apartment, thank god for heating floors, and Dean opens his laptop, as Oli drinks some water and goes to lay in his bed. He needs to work on the bills before sending them to his accountant. He still has two hours to kill before he needs to leave so he watches some TV, plays some more with Oli, heats yesterdays leftover stew, eats it and leaves.

He says hi to Krissy and Maggie, who are serving tables, before taking a seat at the one end of the bar where no one is seating nearby. Benny comes up at him and asks, “A whiskey brother?”

Dean makes a face, “It’s one o’clock”

“It’s after twelve,” he shrugs adding, “’sides you are a wilting flower”

Dean scoffs “I’m not a, a wilting flower”

“He gives the talk tonight?” Benny asks ignoring him.

“Yeah” he breaths and looks at the counter. He doesn't need to look up to know Benny is rolling his eyes.

“Dean”

“I know it’s stupid” he runs a hand down his face and looks up at the older man. “I’m stupid”

Benny raises his brows.

“We didn't talk yesterday. He sent a text, said he is too busy, but-” he sighs again, “Thought he’d call this morning” he crosses his arms then adds petulantly “He didn't even text”

“Cher” Benny starts.

“What?” he asks, going for nonchalant but it comes off slightly too defensive.

“You know it’s not true” Benny says sounding just a bit done with Dean’s shit, not that Dean can blame him.

“What’s not true?” this time it is too innocent.

“The thing going through your head” says Benny exasperated now.

“Don't know what you’re talking about” he mumbles but hears Benny’s sighs as he moves towards the back to his office.

He leaves the bar in a better mood than when he entered it, but it falls when he goes to an empty apartment. He says hi to Oli who greets him enthusiastically and takes him to his evening walk. When they return, he takes a shower and checks his phone after when he is lying in bed Oli on his feet, for the hundredth time, he knows Cas’ wouldn't have send something, his talk started ten minutes ago. It stings and he is somewhat angry at Cas; he ponders for a minute before writing.

_Hope the talk went well. Oli says hi_

Then

_I miss y-_

He erases it. Turns his phone off and goes to sleep.

The next morning is a repeat of yesterdays’ with the difference that Dean has to cook. He thinks of pasta with some pesto, he is certain they have a jar in the fridge, except he feels weird today and upon opening the cupboard, finds a pack of lasagna and decides that yes beef lasagna it is.

He makes a trip to the store to get the minced beef and then starts cooking. He checks his phone again for the millionth time but nothing. He gets a little worried so after eating he calls, but all he gets is a recorded voice, Cas has probably his phone turned off. He sighs annoyed this time.

When he gets to work it is quiet. Not surprise, it is Tuesday after all. He works behind the bar, serving a few beers and a couple of espressos, until Benny comes in. He does a double take at Dean, who rolls his eyes in response, and goes to the back to leave his stuff.

He returns smirking at Dean, who now ignores him pointedly, handing the beers to a woman. He thinks her name is Carmen, Karren something like that, she is a regular on Tuesdays, coming after work with some others, Dean assumes they all work together. When he turns around, he finds Benny behind him eyebrow raised, with the same smug look he has since he saw Dean today.

“Dude,” Dean says and moves around him.

“You know, times like this I wish Jo worked here, just to see this,” the other says making Dean huff.

“It’s a sweater” says Dean, reaching for the carte of beer bottles and places it on the counter next to the fridge.

“It’s a turtleneck sweater,” Benny corrects, “Since when do you wear turtleneck sweaters?”

“It’s warm,” Dean says in leu of response and starts putting the bottles away.

“You look like a hipster or worse a hipster advert,” Benny teases, helping him.

Dean presses his lips together and after a moment says, “Cas got it for me. And if you must know I like it.” It’s true, when he had saw it first, he thought it was a joke. Dean rarely wore sweaters, he preferred layering, and definitely not turtlenecks, but the thing was warm which earned it like six points. Plus, he looked good.

“You still look like a hipster advert,” Benny says and chuckles when Dean shoves him with his shoulder.

An hour before Dean plans on leaving, Sam and Jo come in, both looking tired. But Jo, does perk up when she sees him and snorts, sharing a look with Benny.

Dean ignores them, they are both idiots.

“How are you?” Sam asks him taking a sip from his beer.

“Good” Dean says shrugging, and Sam gives him this concerned look that despite the fact that Dean knows is from a good place, irritates him, “I’m good.”

“So, he still hasn't called,” it’s Jo that speaks, tipping her beer bottle towards Dean, who shoots Sam a look, that he hopes it shows his irritation and the whole _I’m going to kill you for telling her_

“He is probably busy,” Sam says before Dean can open his mouth.

He grimaces and says a little too petulantly, “He could’ve texted.”

“Dean, come on, these things are hectic to begin with, you barely have a time to sit down,” Sam continues and Dean kind of hates him, because he knows he is right. Cas has gone to conferences before, though they usually are one to two days not five, and he barely texts Dean on those. He remembers a few of the two days ones, where Cas would call him at night, could barely form a sentence with how tired he was. Still Dean would appreciate a word, he doesn't want an essay just an _I’m fine_ or- he doesn't know. He knows though, that Cas can sometimes get too absorbed into work and forget about things, but he never forgets about Dean. Also, Dean misses him, more than he is willing to admit.

“Not to mention that Cas has quite the reputation” yes, Dean knows, that's what’s worrying him, all those people mooning over him. He has seen it happen and it wasn't pretty “And he is giving a speech, he has a lot to prepare for. So, stop being a whiny bitch,” he adds with a face and Dean splutters.

“I’m not a a _whiny bitch_. Shut up.”

“Just cut him some slack.”

“Yeah,” Jo starts and Dean already knows he isn’t going to like what she is going to say “he has people to see. Or them him. You know how he gets in debates or when he is passionate about something.” _Yeah he is fucking hot, _he thinks “It’s hard to resist him” she finishes and raises her eyebrows suggestively and Dean scowls. Then after taking a sip from her beer, “Or you know he might found someone to _debate_ with”

Dean frowns at her, anger simmering in his stomach and something else, something he isn’t going to admit. “Whatever.” It’s meant to be dismissive, but from the looks they are giving him he knows he didn't succeed.

It’s a tense few seconds, until Sam says, “Dean-”

He shakes his head, “It’s fine, I’m- It’s fine”

“Dean-” he repeats and the concerned look is back again this time five times worse and Deans’ shoulders slump.

“He adores you,” Jo finishes and she looks regretful now, making Dean feel guilty in return.

He sighs, “Enough, ok? Everything is good, I just-”

“Miss him?” Benny says and it’s half a question half a statement. And the other two huff a laugh.

“Enough with this.” Dean tells them and turns to Jo, because he doesn't want to talk about his insecurities, “How is the new job treating you?”

“Oh, man,” she sighs but her whole face lights up, “I really hope they keep me after the school year’s over, I mean, I know it’s pretty early and they will tell me in March but ugh, it’s so much fun”

“For you not the students” Benny teases her.

“Shut up they love me”

“Yeah right” Sam earns a punch in the shoulder for that and he winces.

“They do. I am the best history teacher they ever had” she says and then proceeds to tell them about some of her students.

Dean ends up leaving two hours later and when he gets home Oli whines at him rightfully so. He pets him and apologizes to him, before they leave for the evening walk. It’s pretty late, nearing midnight, and the cold has turn sharper, piercing Deans’ face and his nose feels like it will fall off. But nevertheless, he plays with Oli, who is excited to run around. At least someone is enjoying this.

After he gets his fill, Dean calls him over and kneels in front of him, earning a lick in the face, making him grin and pets him some more, “You are such a good boy, you know that? Huh” He attaches the leash to his collar and they leave the park.

They are a block away from the apartment, when Dean sees him. He has to stop and stare, because the people are only illuminated by the street lights and the man is somewhat turned and Dean isn’t certain it is him. It has been a decade after all. He could be wrong. He wants to be wrong. He _needs_ to be wrong. But then the man turns fully at the light and Dean can’t breathe. His stomach is fluttering and he might throw up.

He looks the same. Lanky, blonde but now with more grey hair, same beard, same posture. And so harmless. He is like everyone else.

Dean can hear a ringing in his ears and he is aware he is staring and that his breathing is elevated. At some point he feels Oli press at his leg, then he tugs him softly towards the direction of the house. But Dean doesn't budge. He can’t move. He can’t think. It’s so foggy.

Oli does it again and again.

Then, perhaps because Dean is staring for so long, the man looks towards him and after a second their eyes lock. It’s so silent and even if Dean can’t see them, he knows they are pale blue. Pale blue like the early morning sky. Pale blue. Promising. Cruel.

He takes a deep breath and feels like his lungs are filled with air for the first time ever. It's painful and it burns. Then, he turns abruptly and walks towards the house.

He doesn't turn around to look, though he wants to. Needs to make sure no one is there. He fumbles with the lock at the front door, hands trembling. He can’t get the key in and he almost loses it right there. But he can’t, he needs- he needs to get inside.

When he is finally in, he locks the door, puts the alarm and turns on all the lights. He takes off his coat, Olis’ leash, his shoes and removes the sweater too, throws it on the coach on his way to the kitchen. He drinks a glass of water. And then another and tries to gets his breathing under control. He goes up to the bedroom, turns the lights on and removes his clothes.

Shower. He needs to shower.

He moves to the abjoint bathroom and when he is past the threshold, he gets back out. He goes all the way to the living room, looks towards the door, nods to himself and then goes back to take a shower.

He doesn't close the door. Oli, who has been following him everywhere, just sits on the matt outside the shower and looks at him. Dean looks back at him and wants to say _I’m sorry, I’m sorry for freaking out. I’m sorry for freaking you out._

Instead they just stare at each other as Dean rinses the soap of his body. He dries himself and walks back to the bedroom, puts on a pair of boxers and a shirt, that he is pretty sure is Cas’ and thinks of lying down, but remembers the lights and goes back out to turn them off.

When he returns, and he feels heavy and there is lump in his throat. He lays under the covers. After a minute or two, he feels the need to get up again and check. But tells himself he is being paranoid, there is no one there. Eventually it passes and he just lays there breathing, hands still shaking, mind numb.

He watches as Oli lays down too, from sitting up on the bed next to him. He always sleeps on the end of the bed, but now lays next to Dean, who reaches a hand and touches the soft fur and cries.

He wakes up way later than usual, Oli is still next to him. Dean touches him softly and leaves a stuttering breath. He gets up after staring at the ceiling for too long. His brain is going fast and slow at the same time, and Dean just wants everything to stop. He makes coffee and takes the cup back to bed where he sips it slowly. He knows he needs to walk Oli, but can’t. God, he can’t, there are tears in his eyes again and he blinks them away almost angrily, not that he has the strength for anger.

About an hour later, he texts Eileen and asks her if she is free for an hour today to walk Oli, because he feels so bad about that and she responds she can be there in fifteen. Dean is so glad she doesn't ask. He goes to the front with him, gets the leash, bags and toys out and on bench so she can take them. Then goes back to bed, with Oli following him.

Eileen texts him, that she will be there in about two minutes and Dean doesn't think he has loved or appreciated her more than in that second he reads her message.

“Hey buddy” he says voice scratchy, running hand on the top of Olis’ head, “Eileen is going to walk you, ok? Be good for her” he says watery. Oli moves a bit on top of him and Dean chuckles despite himself. He hears the front door open then close, and and a “Dean”.

“Come on” he tells Oli and nudges him, “go”

Oli makes a distressed soft sound and now Dean cries again, “Go, I’ll be fine. Go,” he pushes him again and Oli leaves the bedroom eventually. He can hear Eileen say something to him and after a moment she puts the alarm back and locks the door.

Dean shuts his eyes tightly and breaths.

He must fall asleep, because his eyes fly open when he hears the lock turn, his heart is thumbing but then he hears Eileens’ voice “It’s me.”

After a second Oli, is one the bed and next to him and Dean smiles softly at him, “Hey, sweetheart, had a good time?”

He listens as Eileen leaves again, putting the alarm and all and he texts her, _thank you and I’m sorry _

And she responds

_It’s alright, don't apologize, just tell me when you are better or if you need something_

And yeah she is too good for Sam or anyone.

He makes another coffee and drinks it, and turns on Netflix and watches a movie. He falls asleep half way through. He remembers to text Benny and tell him he won’t come in today, and then sees he has two missed calls from a number he doesn't recognize and almost has a heart attack. He wouldn't call, he reasons. He can’t get your phone number, that he doesn't quite believe, but he is certain that it’s not him.

Still nothing from Cas, that hurts, more than it did before, because Dean needs him. He almost cries again, but instead puts the movie back on and this time watches it and then falls asleep.

He feels a hand in his hair and it feels good until he remembers and then he bolts up right.

“Dean”

The voice is wrong, is deep and-

Cas.

He looks up at dark blue and his eyes water. He blinks, trying to get a hold of himself.

“Sweetheart”

God, Dean loves him so much. His heart settles and he breaths a little easier.

He is wearing his green blue checked pajama pants and a simple black shirt, hair everywhere as usual, but he looks worried. He looks at Dean worriedly.

“Hey” Dean tells him and shifts the pillows behind him, resting his back against them.

“Dean” Cas says and it’s _I missed you, what’s wrong and I’m worried_. He gets closer to him, sits at the edge of the bed on Deans’ left side because Oli is taking the most of the space on Cas’ side of the bed.

Dean doesn't know where to start, so he blurts “I missed you”

“I missed you too” then hesitant, “Dean- Have you eaten?”

It takes him a moment and he thinks back “No”, he wispers.

Cas sighs, “Ok, I’ll heat up some of the lasagna ok? There is water,” he gestures with his hand at the nightstand and Dean sees a glass of water there. He smiles faintly at Cas, but somehow it hurts, so he stops.

Cas goes to get up, but Dean grabs his arm and shake his head. “No, Cas no I-” he exhales “I can’t eat right now”

“Dean”

“I know, I know just” he doesn't know how to continue so he stops, swallowing with difficulty, so he takes a sip of water.

“What’s wrong? Just tell me what’s wrong” and he sound so worried, so concerned and sad and -

“I love you” Dean tells him simply.

“I love you too, very _very_ much. You know that”

“Yes.” He does know that, sometimes though he forgets.

They are silent after that, Dean closes his eyes for a moment, feels as Cas gets up and panics that he’ll leave, but then feels a dip on his other side and Oli shifting and there is a hand on his stomach. He opens his eyes slowly and looks at Cas, who looks back at him.

“This is long overdue” Dean tells him, watches as understanding comes to Cas after seconds. Because of course Cas knows. In hindsight, Dean knows that there are a lot of tells. And he _has_ told Cas about how reckless and stupid he used to be, he had to and he wanted to. They go to BDSM clubs sometimes, so of course he told him, just, just not this.

Cas’ knows or at least knows that something bad happened, or that Dean wasn't very careful on who he let to do stuff with when he was younger. He knows that something was done to him in that context. It is still fresh on his mind the first time Cas tied him, not for that, but because Cas had to go to the living room as he forgot the lube there and Dean freaked. As in, started shaking and wouldn't calm down for an hour kind of freaked.

“His name was Alistair and I met him at Crowley’s, well then it was run by a guy named Azazel or something like that,” he starts voice small; _he_ feels small. He takes a breath, “I met him one day, I don't remember exactly how, but one thing led to another and I was subbing for him, just him. It was-” he stops takes a trembling breath and feels Cas squeeze his hand, making him look down at them.

He moves so his head is resting on the pillows and turns, so he is facing Cas’ side and breaths. He shuts his eyes and feels as Cas massages his scalp.

The silence stretches for too long. “Dean, you don't have t-”

“I want to” and it’s true. He wants to, he really wants to, it’s just all too much.

He focuses on Cas’ touch grounding himself. Then wispers, “The things I let him do” he swallows, and Cas squeezes his shoulder, but Dean can’t look up at him. “I didn't know anyone here, I mean I had Ellen and Bobby, but no one outside them and I- It was a year after dad died, and I had moved here with Sam, he was in his last year of high school. I knew he wanted to leave and I don't know, it was pretty, I felt- I felt abandoned. Again. It’s not an excuse but” he is trembling, he tries to control it, burying himself deeper into the bed, “I had been going at the club for some time, a couple of months or something. He was so, so _certain _and _there _and I needed to feel something different, I needed not to be in control, which ok yes, I know I have all the control, but I didn't know it then. There were so many things I didn't know. Not that I learned them with him. Not the right way, anyways”

He takes a couple of seconds, he snakes a hesitant arm around Cas, who seems to realize his fear and leans down kisses his temple and says in a deep murmur, “I’m still here”

“Cas-” it’s almost a sob.

“I’m not leaving” firmer, and Dean turns and lays his head on Cas’ stomach, his hands around him.

“By the time it got bad, or I realized it was bad, I felt like I couldn't get away. He, I- I didn't want to get away, I talked to some subs in the club, it was so different than what I was doing, but I thought different doms, so-” he licks his lips and swallows thickly, “I didn't want to leave him Cas” he has never said it out loud before, and it hurts so much, it rips his chest open and leaves him there bleeding, like when he was at Alistair’s’, only this time Cas is there. Cas who squeezes him and runs a hand through his hair and says “It’s understandable”

“What?” Dean breaths, he wasn't expecting that.

“Dean, you know how subbing feels, how those situations are. They are powerful, for all parties involved, addictive some would even call them, even when they are unhealthy. You felt safe” he says this last bit slowly, softly, sad, a little hesitantly because they both know safe is not the word, but is the closest it can get, and Dean squeezes his eyes shut.

“I wasn't”

“I know, but you felt it. And it was not your fault” anyone hearing him would think that he is calm, but Dean can catch the anger underneath his tone. He knows it’s not directed at him.

“Yes.” He agrees for the first time and lets some tears fall silently “I- for months I denied what was happening. I was convinced that I” he let’s out a hollow laugh “that I could say no. Cas I didn't even have a safe word. Sometimes he’d strap me in a stand, blindfolded, I was always blindfolded, whip me and leave, or I don't know, sometimes I think he stood there and watched no words no nothing, just silence, it’d drive me insane. Other times people would come in and fuck me. I never knew who they were. Then he would unstrap me, told me to get dress and left. Other times he-” he stops squeezing his eyes shut, breaths and opens them again saying, “he was into bloodplay.” The _I wasn't _goes unsaid, but they both hear it. He chuckles humorlessly.

“He had those knives, and he’d cut. Everywhere. Not deep enough to cause a damage but deep enough to hurt and he would just watch, or touch me in those places, or or” he stops, sees bloody fingers and lips, and empty laughs with mocking, cruel smiles and empty bottles of alcohol. He trembles, instead he says “He’d fuck me after. And I felt, in a fucked-up way, useful. Like I was worth something. Like I could make somebody- I thought if I didn't complain he wouldn't leave, so I never said anything”

He falls silent trying to control his breathing, his heart, that is beating so fast and doesn't say _I did complain once, it ended far worse than what he was doing initially_, his throat closes around those words. Instead he says

“One day, I was at the club without him, just getting a drink and I talked with Hannah. She was there like me just getting a drink. I had seen her before a few times.” He takes a shuddering breath trying to calm himself, stop his voice from wavering, “Had exchanged a few words, nothing much. At one point she mentioned how she never thought she’d be at a club again. I asked her what she meant and she said-, god Cas it was like me. Well she didn't give many details but it _was_ me and you know what the funny thing was?” because he can’t use another word for it, can’t say pathetic or sad or scary “In the beginning of her story I didn't realize the problems with what she was saying or why she was saying that what had happened to her was wrong and” he licks his lips “and abusive. And I was- I don't know if she realized about me and that’s why she approached me. She gave me her phone number and after two weeks I called her. I told her what was happening or at least some of it and she helped me, got into a support group and everything. I don't know exactly what happened with Alistair but I never saw him again. Well until yesterday.”

It’s silent for a few seconds, Dean just listens to Cas’ breathing and it grounds him. “I don't even know what made me do it. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, just a regular scene with him and at the end I don't know, I just wanted to scratch myself clean, just get out of my skin, so I called when I went back to my apartment” he tightens his hold on Cas “Maybe it was all the lack of aftercare” 

Cas squeezes his shoulder again, Dean remembers suddenly how adamant he was on aftercare, he remembers him explaining it to him, who despite his knowledge having grown since before Cas, he was still unwilling on the idea, uncomfortable. But Cas had made it clear, no aftercare no anything. Dean has learned to appreciate it since, seek it, like it as much as all the rest.

“But I liked the pain. Still do, how fucked up is that?”

“It’s not” Cas says, his voice scratchy.

“I let him-”

“Dean-”

“I -” he looks up at Cas eyes, that are watery and Dean chokes back a sob. Cas never cries, or at least he has only cried twice before.

“You couldn't say no, that doesn't mean you were saying yes”

Castiel tightens his arms around him, and Dean tries to calm down. He takes deep breaths and fists Cas’ shirt in one of his hands. He wants to say many things, all of which seem so small and barely enough, so he tells him.

“I love you”

Cas smiles down at him, and a few tears escape his eyes. “I love you too. So much, sometimes I can’t breathe”

Dean offers him a small smile and sits up sitting in front of Cas, who runs a hand down his arm and takes Deans’ hand in his.

“Let’s eat something”

Dean nods and they get up, go in the kitchen. He watches him as he heats up the lasagna Dean made. They eat in silence, that is until Dean remembers

“Why didn't you call?”

Cas eyes widen and he chuckles softly, and says bashfully, “I broke my phone or a car broke my phone.”

Dean snorts and holds back a hysterical laugh.

“It’s not funny” Cas grumbles “It slipped from my hands and into the road and a car just totaled it. And I did call you”

Dean furrows his brows, before he remembers, “That was you?”

Cas nods and takes their plates to the sink.

“Want to see a movie?” he asks Dean

“Sure, but I’m choosing” Cas frowns at him. “Babe, your movies are depressing”

“They are not” he protests, as they move to the living room and settle on the couch and Oli on his pillow.

Dean raises his brows at him. “Fine, but I want to watch The Blue Room” Cas tells him.

“The French crime one?”

“Yes” Cas says and opens Amazon prime.

“Okay” Dean says and opens the blanket, over them.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” Cas opens the menu and scrolls, trying to find it.

“Hey,” Dean tells him before he can press play, “how was the talk?”

Cas turns to him and smiles, “Really good, although, I don't want to do it again. All those people that wanted to talk to me after, more so than usual” he frowns.

“You antisocial, famous lawyer” Dean tells him with a laugh.

“I am not famous” Cas tells him and presses play, and Dean knows this is him not wanting to continue this conversation, he always gets flustered.

“Well known” Dean presses.

“Okay, people know of me, but not a lot. I don't qualify as famous”

“You were featured in ABA. Three times” Dean says and nods towards the bookcase, where the magazines are. Cas huffs and shifts.

“Fine” he mutters, “Can we watch the movie know?”

“Sure” Dean says “If you turn on the subtitles”

Cas does so in the menu, and asks “I thought you liked the sound of French, even if you don't know what they are saying”

Dean feels himself blush, and tells the smug smirking asshole, “That's for when you speak”

Cas chuckles next to him and Dean shoves him, before they finally settle and start watching the movie.

When it’s over and they are laying in bed, both with a book in their hands. Dean turns and looks at Cas, who is absorbed in what he is reading and a warmth fills his chest that spreads all over his body slowly.

He nudges him with his foot, and Cas makes a sound. “I sometimes can’t breathe either” he tells him, and Cas gives him one of those small smiles, that Dean loves more than he can admit.

**Author's Note:**

> [ notsortable on tumblr](http://notsortable.tumblr.com/)


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